I try to get around him but he won't let me. I try to dodge around him to the left, but he steps in front of me, refusing
to let me pass. It angers me and I huff loudly, voicing my displeasure, but I stop trying to get around him.
"There could never be another Cody." he's whispering again and it's bugging me. I hate it when he whispers. When
his voice gets low like that it means he's serious. I hate that.
"I don't need you to lie to make me feel better."I snark at him, refusing to meet his eyes. He doesn't like it. I
can tell. But he doesn't force me to meet him. He doesn't go away either.
"I'm not lying Cody." he presses me, he's trying to make me understand. I don't want to believe him, but I do. I
don't let on though.
"YES YOU ARE!" I yell horribly, ashamed at myself for pushing him away. He seems to read my thoughts.
"Why are you pushing me away Cody?" he asks loudly making sure that I can't pretend not hear him. I sigh and keep
running. I don't want to answer. I don't want to feel this way. But he's not going anywhere and suddenly my bravado fades
"I can't lose you!" I scream, my voice is raw, even to my own ears and I can almost feel his shock.
"Why would you lose me?" he asks, falling back and jogging beside me. Again I try not to answer. But again, he won't
leave me alone. He won't leave me, the thought flows through my head and I turn to him.
"Will I?" My voice is shaking and the question hurts as it passes up my throat. His eyes are meeting mine for the
first time and I feel myself getting lost in their blue depths. I have to look away.
"Never." he whispered the word harshly. It bounced around in the light of the morning and echoed off trees and sky.
It sounded confident, convincing and sure. And for the first time that morning, I turn to him and smile. The wind has picked
up and I shout joyfully.
"Race you." he seems a little confused, but I'm already gone. Racing the wind, racing all my doubts, racing my fear
and indecision. And I'm winning. I can hear him panting and speding hopelessly behind me. He's never gonna catch me now. I'm
flying. The ground shifts beneath my feet, but I don't stumble. We're running through the sand now and the cold spray of the
lake is caressing my body urging me faster. I happily oblige. To him I must look like a lunatic, but I don't care. Like he
said, today, this morning, I'm free, more free than I've felt in months. I'm racing the waves now and suddenly a new power
overwhelms me. I'm racing the wind and I'm winning. I can feel it chasing behind me, breathing down my neck and it excites
me. I can still here Squib behind me, but his feet are fading fast. I tilt my head to the sky and devour the rays of sunshine,
streaming down upon my glory. I spread my arms and mock the wind, winning for the first time ever. No matter how fast I run,
no matter where I go, I'm never going to lose him and that added sense of security is what makes me fly. I collapse in the
sand and roll over onto my back. He catches up a few seconds later and we're lying beside each other again.
"I---win." I pant. He laughs at me.
"No, I'm pretty sure I won." he's over me again, a few inches from my face. Our breaths mingle in the small space
between us and some of his breath escapes and cascades down my neck, sending a prickling down my spine. I can see his hands
at either side of my face and my mind goes blank. I can't think a single thought except wondering what's going to happen next.
He leans closer and whispers so softly, it's a wonder I can hear it at all. But I can hear it clearly, ringing through my
empty mind. "I got you." and then his lips are on mine and a fire lights in my brain. Flames erupt and ingulf very corner
of my mind, and my body is on fire. His lips are moving against mine, soft and giving. It gives me courage and cautiously
I move my lips. I can feel him smile. It doesn't last long, we both need to pull away for air. His forehead leans gently against
mine, our sweat pooling together. We're battling each other for the air trapped between us and finally he rolls off, sucking
in the air around him.
"Wow." I manage. He chuckles softly beside me and I let my cheek fall to the sand so I can look at him. I give him
a crooked half-smile and he seems pleased.
"What does this mean?" I ask suddenly. In the last half-hour we've taken our
relationship to a new level, and it's beginning to scare me. It scares me even more when he can't seem to think of an answer.
I watch his face, as his mouth opens and closes, and I can see him battling for control. There's something he isn't telling
me and I start to wonder. Was I really just a play-thing? Is he just so great of an actor that everything he's said in the
last half-hour has been a lie. I gave him myself today. I tossed a few more pieces of my heart at him and he just dropped
them. I'm petrified now and shakily I sit up. I'm too scared to run away, too scared to move. So, I curl myself up as small
as I can and wrap my arms around my knees, leaning my chin against them. He hasn't gotten up yet and I snap.
"I can't believe
you!" I shriek without turning to face him. "I was right, wasn't I? You were lying! I'm just a play-thing. I can see it on
your face Squib, there's something you aren't telling me." He bolts upright beside me and it startles me, seeing him in the
corner of my eye. My whole body is screaming at me to look at him, but for once, my brain overrules and I stay staring out
at the lake.
"That's not it Cody." he's begging. I can hear the pleading so plainly that it starts to simmer my anger.
"Then what is it Squib?" I make eye contact for the first time and trap him in my gaze. I can see him struggling
to look away but he can't. He still won't say anything.
"I knew it." I snip at him and release him. A part of me knows that what he's trying to tell is something other than
what I believe it to be and I'm trying to drag it out of him. A quick glance his way tells me that I've almost done it. It's
at the tip of his tongue. He's taking deep breaths and my fear returns. Deep breaths mean he's about to say something hard.
But hard for me or hard for him? Or both?
"I love you." the words don't sound so sure his others and I wonder if he's
lying. But it's not his words that are unsure I realize, it's him. He's afraid of what I'm going to say. And so am I. I can
feel the words bubbling inside me, fighting for release. I try to push them away, because I've suddenly realized that I'm
leaving today. And it's already going to be 100 times harder to leave after what just happened. But the way his face looks
right now, it's breaking me down again. One deep breath is enough to summon my courage and I say the words, hoping I won't
regret it later.
"I love you too." And I know it's true. I've loved him since the first time his eyes captured mine and I got lost